Let’s be honest about things for a second - really honest. You came out to the west coast to get away from something. Everyone does. Let’s face it - the Midwest is full of r******! That’s we have the fastest-growing population, a massive economy, and absolutely no history or culture. You used to be a dork. But you moved here, and suddenly you’re cool! San Andreas is the land where you can be who you want to be. Change your name. Come out. Lie about your age. Form your own religion. Call yourself an actor and wait tables. It just doesn’t matter out here. Everybody’s at it!
Pause.
Woman:
Until the awful moment when old friends or family come to visit. Janus understands. Maybe it’s time to- change your identity! Don’t let bad memories blow your cover. We’ll teach you all the things you need to alienate your family quick. They’ll never think of visiting you again. Select from a list of weird religions that involve burning things, singing childrens songs backwards, and loads of television worship. We’ll select a member of another race or lifeform for you to claim as your soulmate. And your dietary habits will go Pacific, too.
People come to San Andreas to escape their past. We’ll help you lose contact with friends and family fast. Janus - it’s time to invent a new you.